If I Were.......... You Would Be.......... From Software Guy

If I Were a PAINTER...

You Would Be My Painting...

If I Were An AUTHOR...

You Would Be My STORY...

If I Were A POET...

You Would Be My POEM...

UNFORTUNATELY. ..











I'm A PROGRAMMER.. .

And You Are My BUG...

Life after Oil Price increase.......

A Software engineers life...6 ft x 6 ft version

Inside Software Companies..

Sardar with Prince

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.



Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".



Sardar thinks "how poetic"



Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".



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Sardar at bar in New York .



Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"



Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"



Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"



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Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k



Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but? ?



how much is DRIVING salary...?



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Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at



night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light



is not needed!!!



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2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the



other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says



YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...



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Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage



and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post



office....



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A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"



Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"



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2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.



Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.



Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....



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A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.



Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?



Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. .......



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A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the



exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father



in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,



SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE



FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.



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Interviewar: what s ur qualification?



Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.



Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?



Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..



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Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?



Sardar : liquid state.....



Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS..... ...



*********** ********** ********* ********** *******

Hey Don't Work Like THIS !!!

Just Relax relax.... :-)) !!

Sardar Joke with BOSS

Boss: Where were you born?
sardar : Punjab ..
Boss : which part?
sardar : Kya which part? Whole body born in punjab.


2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.


Sardar : What is the name of your car?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.


Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why you are removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheelers.


Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave
Rs.10 /- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.


Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.


On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile?


Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see
any
one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.


How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thank God! I thought it was a new one.


A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.


In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all
India Radio!

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Birbal's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Birbal's skeleton when he was child.

Teacher Vs Student

Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in English, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------------
Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------------
Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------------
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------------
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? "
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
------------ --------- --------- -------
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)
------------ --------- --------- -------
Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs3/kg...Then, what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

Re - marry ?

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the


Wife looks over at him and asks the question....


WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"


HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"


WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"


HUSBAND: "Of course I do."


WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"


HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."


WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)


HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)


WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"


HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."


WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"


HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"


WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"


HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."


WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"


HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."


WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"


HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."


WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"


HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "


WIFE: -- silence --


HUSBAND: "sh*t."

Indians Live Happily in Hell Too.......

A guy dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.



He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting
to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil was a software engineer, so he swipes the card, comes in, checks his mails and then goes to the cafeteria..."

Love and Marriage....

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back....
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the field, thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a
bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he started to realise that each wheat is not as
big as the previous one he saw, he realised that he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with an empty hand.
The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise,
you are too late as you have already missed the right one...."*

*"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and
come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he
reaches the middle of the field, he picks one medium corn that he is satisfied, and comes back to the teacher.
The teacher told him, "this time you bought a corn....... you looked for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you
get.... this is marriage."*

Love and Marriage....

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back....
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the field, thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a
bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he started to realise that each wheat is not as
big as the previous one he saw, he realised that he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with an empty hand.
The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise,
you are too late as you have already missed the right one...."*

*"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and
come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he
reaches the middle of the field, he picks one medium corn that he is satisfied, and comes back to the teacher.
The teacher told him, "this time you bought a corn....... you looked for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you
get.... this is marriage."*

Smart Boy

Math's Teacher: If you have

12 Chocolates and you

Give 5 to Lela,
3 to Anita and
4 to Julia

Then what will u get????

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Student: 3 New

Girlfriends

Mam!!!

Software Engineer dies!! Too good

A Software Engineer dies in a car accident and finds himself at the heavens door "Pearly Gates". A beautiful music is being played and all angels are dancing around and singing his name. There is a huge crowd and everyone is screaming his name. The engineer is very delighted and surprised.

Then he sees "Saint Peter" rushing towards him and shakes his hand and says, "Congratulations my son, we have been waiting a very long time to meet you".

The engineer is very embarrassed and asks "Saint Peter, congratulations for what? I honestly didn't do much while I was alive. Then why is all this?"

Saint Peter totally amazed says, "Congratulations for what!!! We're celebrating the fact that you lived for 260 years! .... GOD himself wants to meet you!"

The engineer looks perplexed, "but Saint Peter, I only lived until 36 years"

Saint peter is shocked "This is impossible son. We have added up all your timesheets”

Poor Boys

When a Girl Cries ------------ The World "Consoles" her

But when a boy cries ---------- Come on man don't be A "Girl"

If A Girl slaps a Boy ----------- Definitely the Boy would have "done something"

If Boy Slaps a girl -------------- Rascal doesn't know how to "Respect Ladies"

If a Girl is talking to Boys ----- She is "Very Friendly"

If a Boy talks to a Girl ---------- He is "flirting"

If a Girl meets with accident -------------------- Then its "mistake of others"

If a Boy meets with same accident ------------ Bloody you "don't know how to Drive"

LWat A World Is thisL

Technology Jokes

Why you should NEVER publish your picture on the Internet